chapter 8: Mom's turn

It's Mom's turn to post.  We get a turn sometimes, don't we. I have been really impressed with Kiley that last few days.  Her complaining has been minimal and she has a had a really good outlook on things.  As she stated earlier, she is one tuff chick.  I think she gets that from me. (hehehehe)

She has now been off all medication for 6 days.  She has been doing really well.  However, I think things are starting to hit home for her.  We did have a small breakdown as we were prepairing her room.  Taking Kayti's bed out and bringing in a table, chairs and television.  That was the point when she realized this is really happening. 

 

Thanks to the lovely young ladies who came to our "Polar Bear Camping".  Kiley sure did have a fun time.  I am also endlessly thankful for all the loving words she is hears every day.  A few little activities brought over were also a fun surprise. 

 

So here's the MOM part.  I'll just say sorry to Kiley now for embarassing her at this point.  I'm gonna' get a little churchy now.  We were having a discussion on the atonement in class yesterday.  As I was listening, I think I found a new understanding of how it all works.  This is not gospel, just my opinion.  The question was asked, If Christ died for our sins and took upon himself the pain and suffering for us, then why do we have to suffer at all?  God only gives us challenges that we can handle.  I have often times over the last few weeks of watching Kiley suffer wonder if that were a true statement.  Although, I have had not felt any physical pain or sufferend in anyway through her illness.  I have never felt so out of control and helpless in all of my life.  Watching you children suffer and not be able to do anything about it, I think, is the hardest trial you can go through.  Over the last few weeks of this though, I have proven the statement true.  This is where the atonement comes in.  I think if I truely had to suffer all of the hardships of this situation, I would kill over instantly and probably Kiley as well.  We have been given the challenges we can handle and the Lord has taken over the rest.  He has sent people into our lives to help us with our physical needs.  He has taken the pain from Kiley through her medication and unbelievably caring Dr's.  He has given me a wonderful husband who supports, loves and holds my hand during the hardest times in life.  The ways that the Lord has born my pain and suffering is endless.  I am so grateful for the atonement and for the gospel in my life and the life of my children.   I want Kiley to read this and know that I have a testimony of the atonement and hopefully recogize the gift of strength and endurance the Lord has given her.  She is a special young lady and look forward to having the best parts of her back in full force.

 

As the days go by, and we are down to one, the fear in me is definately growing. I know she will be fine and this treatment will be have litle is no side effects.  However, sometimes the head and the heart don't communicate very well.  I know she thinks that other people don't understand, but I hope she knows that I do.  I do understand the lonliness, the fear, the saddness and the anger that has been part of her life.  They have been part of mine as well.  She wants this to go away and I want to take it for her.  Yet, here we are sitting side by side going through it together.  I wish I could say that I have helped her through this, but she in all actuality has helped me through it.  Just when I thought I couldn't possibly love my babies any more, I realize I am wrong.  The love keeps growing.